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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 7th, 2014, 3:04 am 
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dudeglove wrote:
So I finished up reading last night on the kindle app on an iPad. From a technical standpoint the layout seemed fine i.e. it didn't look buggy with sentences taking up entire pages or whatever.

First off, full disclosure: I acquired it during the free period, so if after reading this you wanna call me a piece of shit I fully understand. Secondly, I fully realize writing anything can be a pain in the ass sometimes and that there are points in any creative work where you just want to "get it done" and move on.

The Bad:

- From a purist editor's viewpoint, there are a couple of iffy points. The one that stood out the most was the "proper" use of acronyms or shortened forms of words. I forget which one it was exactly that first caught my attention (maybe "tac/com" or "PEW"), but there was more than one moment where you'd introduce a new term into your story in its shortened/acronym form but then later actually fully state what the tac/com or PEW was. When writing, it's usually good practice to assume that the person reading it (i.e. me) is a fucking idiot (I am) and if you start throwing jargon around without providing proper context, said idiot is gonna be left scratching his head. In that instance a few paragraphs later the term was actually used in full, but not before I was left thinking "Okay wtf is he talking about?" (I still never really full got what the Maddox was, other than the fact it didn't get used very much). There was also the occasional spelling error and issues with punctuation here and there but eh. Next time make sure a fresh pair of eyes looks over your piece for such things.

these are all valid points that I will take on board. FYI, the Maddox is his carbine,which gets used fuckloads.

- From a narrative standpoint, sometimes I was left thinking "Where the fuck am I?". The Cartel is on what planet now? And it's raining or jungly or there's trees or something? Or wait it's desolate because it's in secret space?

Necrophor. Necrophor. It's temperate. It's in a part of space otherwise uninhibited. These things do get explained.

Also who actually is the dodgy agent guy up in the ship? What about all that detective noire-ish stuff at the start of the novel before we meet our rudely-awoken protagonist? Is it that guy? I was initially wondering if you were going to swap between those two narratives throughout the novel and eventually culminate with the two meeting in the denouement, but instead it was just sort of ditched.

this is a small part of a larger story. If everything is explained at the start then what's the point? It's designed to make people think "wtf? I want to find out what happens."

The Good:

- It turns out you fucking love the unabashed glorification of violence, and it's fully embraced in this work, so my god go for it! Take that blood-drenched sick mind of yours and run with it. We finally have an insight into the life of gausswerks' own mercenary space marine and I really wanted you to write more when it came to the old ultraviolence. There were moments that just screamed "power fantasy", so well done on that point. I'm too much of a pussy to ever consider writing such things, but I'll gleefully read about the number of ways you can sink a blade into a man's body.

heh. If you think this is violent, wait until I get the balls to write about Gray 1. The first thing he does is stab a kid in the throat, and at one point he kicks a dude in the groin over and over to shatter his pelvis in order to sever his femoral arteries.

- The Reptard. More of Chad plz. He's pretty fucking boss.

that's a shame. Everyone likes Chad. I don't.


Thanks for the feedback, I struggle with spelling and grammar, and I'm still getting to grips with the mechanics of writing a novel in chunks. If you think it looks bad now, imagine how it looked before it was proof read and beta read by about twenty people.

Darkchild


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 26th, 2014, 5:48 pm 
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heya DC, read the last 90% of this basically in one sitting. like dudeglove most of my quibbles are editor-level stuff; typos, formatting conventions, and occasionally word choice type stuff.

but i read most of it in a single sitting because once he leaves home, the narrative doesn't let up in the best way possible. i don't know if i've ever read a piece of sustained action that's put together as compelling way. lot of guys can do cool military tech scifi stuff but the actual action just falls flat on its face, all buildup and no pay off.

so yeah, you've got it. it's still rough diamond status now, but i'm a big pulp fan, and once the action got going i couldn't put it down, which is exactly what a great pulp story should do. outsized action, maximum fucking violence. this is, i do believe, what they mean by "writing what you know". i mean that both in terms of how much awareness is brought to the staging of the action--the recon, figuring approaches and so on--but also from the military science fiction angle. this is pure cyberpunk military stuff and i just don't think i've read anything that stands with it for the action. richard k morgan comes to mind, but i never finished his broken angels... like i said, awesome build up and decent character stuff, but the action never comes, and he can't stage violence. i had a very definite picture of the entire black mafia camp setup, and how the action proceeded.

so yeah i'd say it needs some polish and a little redrafting here and there, but it's solid. the third person intro is much less assured than once we're first person with damon, but it's a nice touch setting us up with tobias, only to show him again from damon's perspective. i knew what you were talking about but i suppose the mix of real world military terms and tactics plus your invented lingo (which is a lot of fun, great high tech/low culture!) might need a little more careful introduction for some readers, but again, mostly a polishing issue.

i didn't think i'd be on board with the Reps, but i laughed every time they were talked about with reference to the influence that american military has had on them. it just works. damon is a jerk, but a real fun guy to follow misbehaving. i especially liked the sequence where he has to shut down all his systems for the EMP grenade, how we get this moment where his age and own body come back to him like a ghost. overall the description and pacing are overwhelmingly physical, and convincingly so. gecko gloves, his maddox on the sling, i think there's great economy of description and awareness of what damon is doing moment by moment.

that's about all i got, it was good! seriously, can't really think of anything to compare it to for a sustained action sequence, something i just dont know of any writers that can handle. great work mate. you're only going to get better at this the more you do it, and that was pretty fucking good--can't wait for the next installment.


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 26th, 2014, 6:07 pm 
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Thanks Jack, military cyberpunk is exactly what I'm going for. I'm actually surprised that the story so far has had such positive feedback, but I'm sure there is time to ruin it with part two (it is deliberately darker, shifting gears after people have hopefully warmed to Damon)

Hopefully, by the time I've finished part 3 I will have the jist of writing down, so my second novel will be pretty good as opposed to nonsense (this whole thing is a proof of concept)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, the best part of getting feedback is becoming very aware of my weaknesses so I can hopefully tighten things up next time. Stand by for part 2 and Major Mason, who I can best describe as a female nazi Captain America. Damon is going to suffer.

Darkchild


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: November 25th, 2014, 10:25 am 
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Dude wanted me to repost this here, it's an excerpt from my second novella.

Related, would anyone be willing to proof read/give me feedback before I put it out there? If you can't be bothered to proof read, just the feedback is fine.

Anyway,here's the excerpt, copypasta has removed all my italics etc,and I'm too lazy to put them back in here.

I don't bother to reload, I'm too close to the survivors now, and the muzzle of my weapon resembles a titanium meat tenderiser.
I use it.
The wet meat smack of metal against flesh is rhythmic, smash one till it drops, move on, they can't escape, their weak musculature moves far too slowly.
One tries as I'm mounted atop a particularly tall Ulanti's chest, caving his skull in with short up and down motions, like I'm digging a trench under fire, on my knees.
I draw and fire in one motion, trepanning the sloping little coward as he makes his escape, and I turn my attention back to the tall one to find that he's dead. I've actually gouged a small hole into the stone flooring underneath where his head was.
Good sport, I pat the corpse and stand up, taking the time to reload my weapons again, trying to find the source of a pained whimpering that echoes in the over arching space.
There, on the end of the front pew, eyes screwed shut, is a young boy, hand clasped together in silent prayer.
I'm amazed he hasn't been hit by anything yet, and take it as a slight to my skill that he still lives.
I walk over to him, footfalls sounding deafening in the sudden dead calm of the place, wisps of smoke and the tick tick of cooling metal the only activity betraying the violence that just occurred here.
Well, that and all the bodies.
I squat down in front of the kid, who does not open his eyes to look at me.
"Kid," I say, startled by my own voice. It sounds hoarse, I can't remember the last time I took a sip from my drinking tube.
"Kid," I repeat when he refuses to open his eyes. He can't understand me, but knows he is being spoken too, as he shakes his head sadly while continuing to mouth words to his god "I don't think that is going to help you today."
His breath is ragged, but not like how mine is through lack of breath, this is different. It comes in short, shaking gasps. He is terrified.
Stupid cattle, if they swapped time spent praying for time spent running they might have been clear of the city by now.
I shrug, my rig muscles whine as they copy the movement and I take the boy by the throat, hauling him to his feet.
I squeeze his head until his eyes pop open in pain, and I pan his head around so he can survey the carnage I've just inflicted on his people.
When I speak, it's as if my voice has aged twenty years in one day.
"There are no gods."
I squeeze harder.


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: November 26th, 2014, 12:08 am 
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Darkchild130 wrote:
When I speak, it's as if my voice has aged twenty years in one day.
"There are no gods."


Image


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: November 26th, 2014, 3:37 am 
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Well, that was a strong reaction...


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: November 26th, 2014, 4:26 am 
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Told ya so. If no one's read DC's thing, I'll reiterate what I said before, his depictions of ultraviolence are horrifyingly brutal and make for visceral reading. Not necessarily "good", but it's effective. Like watching a horrible car crash or something.

DC I'll give that excerpt a pass a little later.


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 6th, 2015, 5:23 am 
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POST ABOUT YOUR NEW BOOK ALREADY JEEZ


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 6th, 2015, 7:11 am 
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Okay I will! So I released my new book. The protagonist gets his ass handed to him by a lady (he does not like this at all) then remembers a bunch of nasty shit he did during the war.

Please give me your money.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Contractor-Part-novella-Bradley-Buckmaster-ebook/dp/B00T80UF6M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423228231&sr=8-1&keywords=contractor+part+2

Darkchild


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 Post subject: Re: So I'm self publishing a novel
PostPosted: February 25th, 2015, 3:25 am 
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I fully endorse this idea to give DC your money.

I've already given some of mine, and will continue to do so.


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